if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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