I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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