Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?