I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie