Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple