google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.