At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.