yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.