everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.