We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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