At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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