We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
