1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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