I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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