Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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