Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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