is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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