I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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