i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
