sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol