Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.