...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks