You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend