Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION