What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize