oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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