Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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