I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
