Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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