Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
