watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize