Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
