dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
YAS. BRING CRAB.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
