I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"