This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize