The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
