I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
