it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
