I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
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I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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