Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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