Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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