apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
