If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
