I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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