miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
