A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The Olympian is in my bed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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