there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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