they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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