did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
