ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize