bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
