I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
