I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
