Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My cat gives me a boner
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
