she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need water and some morals
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
