How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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