Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
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fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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