But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
