hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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